I Will Always Need My Cyanide: Rewrite
by TheEyeOfThePheonix
Summary: These two are at loggerheads for seemingly no reason. A threat. To surrender all their secrets... Why? Well read on to find out... Ratings on chapters if different than k
1. Chapter 1

AN: This is a rewrite of what I posted yesterday as I was looking at the wrong plot outlay for the ending scenes when writing, please if you've already read this, review and let me know if this one is any better!

This ship has never been done before, i think. But this story/ship came to me when i was watching The Dumping Ground Episode 1. I think somehow this ship is like Liam/Elektra but they are probably more against the odds as there is a little age difference and no one would expect it from Johnnie. And i think the song in the quote really suits them too. Link to script for ep 1 is on my profile. I changed the ending of the episode to fit in with my story. I've kept you long enough, R&R please!

Disclaimer: I really don't own The Story of Tracy Beaker, I'm serious.

I know you better than you think  
Cause it's simple darling, I gave you a warning  
Now everything you own is falling from the sky in pieces  
- Explosions (Ellie Goulding)

Chapter 1- Before the catching of a Snowflake

It had been many months since Tracy had left. Since Liam and Sapphire had left. But things change, people leave and never return. It was and still is one of the harsh realities of life which these people, these inhabitants of Elm Tree House know only too well.  
The last time anyone had seen Liam was nearly two months ago, he hadn't even came to the home. To say they were saddened by this would be a major understatement. They could understand why Toby had never returned to see them, he was now residing in his native Scotland and he surely wouldn't be able to afford to travel down to see them. They'd understood and accepted this, but Liam lived a 20 minute ride away on the bus. Sapphire was a little further away, but even still they'd expected her to visit a little, not even for themselves but for Harry. He was the youngest, the most effected. He'd probably witnessed more than anyone should have to at such an age. They'd been sceptical at what he had witnessed but knew it must have been bad as the boy hardly talked, only through his toy giraffe, Jeff, did he speak.

Elektra had once saved Harry and Jeff from a poisonous black Adder, but not before causing a bit of mischief, a bit of sadness. She had changed the directions for their team whilst they were in unfamiliar woods so she, Toby and Carmen could go ahead and beat the others to base camp. This had gone disastrously wrong with Carmen nearly falling to her death on a rickety bridge and Harry getting lost. But as these events had took place the other team where discussing different types of chicken. Nuggets and fried, they were definitely not vegetarians. And for once Liam and Johnny were not at loggerheads with one another, which was until they had got lost. But hey, in the end they were Good Samaritans returning a dog to its owner.

Now who said care kids were a lost cause?!

Now, unfortunately they were sadly left home alone one eventful day. That is when this story truly starts. Snippets of these times will always filter through their minds, so snippets I shall show:

"Well, when are you going to tell me?" Elektra had asked, frustrated. She had only wanted to know. "As soon as I've hung this up, want to help?" Gina had asked. She's serious isn't she, Elektra had thought, grabbing something from Johnny.

She had only wanted to know, and now the staff were all gone. She just had to know, what are they hiding! She thought as her paranoia kicked in. So she set out to find the incriminating information. So this was now why she sat, at mike's desk, chucking a ball from hand to hand, frustrated at herself for not finding the password. Johnny had walked in and had started to vent away "... and Frank and Rick are driving Gus...". "Shut up. I can't concentrate." She'd moaned, rubbing her temples. He noticed the frustration building up, not wanting her to blow a fuse, he decided to help. "What are you trying to do?" He asked. "Log on. I've tried everything I can think of.". "It'll be written down somewhere, the relief care worker would've needed it. Knowing Mike...," he started to pilfer through the filing cabinet ", he'd probably file it under P for password!". "Don't be ridicul..." Elektra had started to say but her eyes had lit up as Johnny smugly produced a piece of paper with a single word on it. Elektra snatched the paper away from him and starting typing. The password was accepted and with Elektra taking no notice of Johnny he kicked the cabinet shut and mumbled a "you're welcome" before leaving.

She'd been horrible to him, locking him in his room with no food. He knows he should hate her, but he doesn't and he doesn't know why. He knows he seems to hate her but how could he truly hate her, they'd helped each other out plenty of times. He loves the feeling when she truly seems to despise him. And he knows its wrong- she is in year 11 after all, but technically there is only a few months difference in age between them, but people would never understand… and why is he thinking about all of these complications when she means nothing to him, but he doesn't know why and he can't help it.

Morning came and they'd let him out, much to Elektra's dismay.  
He went to the office knowing she'd be there. Why? I don't know, maybe he got a thrill from her being horrible to him. Well that is all he knew. People who were supposed to love him had shown cruelty to him, maybe he'd gotten the wrong end of the stick from her.  
He entered the office to find her not there, he wandered over to the computer, finding an email flashing on the computer screen, and he absentmindedly opened it.  
He could not have been more shocked to what he had found. It was letter confirming that Elektra would be on her way to Australia within a month! This is when she had decided to walk in. His head shot up "What's this?" he demanded, she saw it and smiled before said smile turned into a scowl directed at him. "This is none of your business, Jonathon Taylor!". "It is, why do you want to leave, Mike and Gina look after you, They care...". Elektra had started to walk towards him, a mixture of feelings plastered on her face. "Care, they care do they, then why are they sending me away then, away from everyone who supposedly care!" she spat out, she was so close to him that he could feel her breathe on him. "I..." Johnny spluttered. Elektra quirked an eyebrow. "You what?" she asked. …"I hate you!" He said quietly, trying to repair the barrier he had let down. She smiled indifferently.  
And then kissed him...


	2. Chapter 2

AN: *digs a hole and hides in it* I am soo sorry for the long wait but I have tried to find time to watch back ep2 for the dialogue. In the end I have decided to wing it, so the dialogue might not be right. Does anyone know where to get scripts from? Anyway, R&R please.

Disclaimer: I don't own Tracy Beaker or any of its spin offs.

I've put my trust in you, I tried so hard and got so far,  
but in the end it doesn't even matter  
-Linkin Park

I Will Always Need My Cyanide - Chapter 2

She kissed me

I kissed him

…  
They stood there, locked in that embrace. What the hell had just happened? Two enemies had joined forces, quite literally. Broken down barriers, united.

Johnny had been the first to pull away, but not too far. They stood so close to each other that they could feel one another's breath on their faces. Their breathing was heavy, their eyes unreadable, with too many thoughts swirling around in them. It seemed that Elektra was the first to snap back to reality, she flung herself back, for only a second looking horrified. Her nostrils flared, her breathing coming out in harsh snaps, like she was snapping away at the world – hoping to break everything in her reach. Her eyes were sprinkled in confused disgust, but a plan was formulating in her brain. You could almost see the tiny cogs springing in to action. She grabbed Johnny by the scruff of his jacket and pulled him close, was she…could she possibly be going in for a second time?  
"You listen to me Jonathon Taylor," Elektra snarled and he hid a smile. ", this…this never happened, alright. If you dare breathe a word to anyone I will tell them all." Johnnie wore a puzzled look; she didn't have anything on him. "…oh, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny! You have no idea...Maybe I could tell them how I can hear someone screaming at night, crying. No, no please don't, I promise I'll be good – I hear them scream. Will you be good Johnnie, will you?" She shoved him into the filing cabinet. He contemplated for a minute, pursing his lips in the way that only Johnny can do. "Alright, but I aint promising anything… fine, I wont...tell" Johnny had changed his mind at the last second as Elektra had just started to reel her foot back. She smiled. "Well done Johnny, now come on." She motioned for him to follow her. A sceptical look crossed his face as he followed her, like a lost puppy, to the kitchen.  
Everyone was stood around at intervals. Harry talked to Jeff, probably wondering what the hell was going on. Well, they didn't have a clue until Elektra started to talk. "Everybody, the social have planned a visit…yeah I know, but we're going to wing it…no, no don't worry, me and faith are going to act as the workers, okay?" people interrupted now and then to voice their concerns but in the end nearly everyone had agreed to the plan. Well everyone that wasn't Johnny had decided that the plan was a sure winner. He had took the chance to stand up to here, even if it was only just this one time that he would be able to. She had asked if he was with them, He'd replied I'm not with you on anything. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea as she had smirked and ordered him to be locked in the cellar along with his sister, Tee, who had decided she needed to stick up for her big brother. He loved the fact that even when she had the upper hand, he could always get to her. He smiled as they locked him in, making her infuriated. Then he turned on Tee saying how she shouldn't have done that – but they were soon on the same wavelength when she pulled out her phone.

She knew that, right now, she must seem like an evil bitch, but everything had to go to plan and if that meant locking the little squirt and his sister in the cellar then so be it. She thought she had everything figured out but she wasn't counting on not being offered the place on the trip. She wasn't prepared for being told she had her life sorted out. She wanted to laugh in the woman's face. It really was comical for someone to actually think her life was perfect. And to top it all off Gina chose that moment to return. To say she wasn't happy was an understatement, perhaps the understatement of the year. She was furious. After she went and let Tee and Johhny (she somehow knew he had something to do with this and he would pay) out, she gathered them in a circle in the living room, talking at them. Trying to make them feel guilty. Elektra didn't feel guilty, why should she be guilty, It was his fault after all. She sent the others off to clean up the garden and started on Elektra, asking, why do you have to do this, to be like this. They were your friends, she cried. Elektra silently laughed, Friends – yeah right. Gina then explained to her that they weren't kicking her out and that it was Melissa who had requested that if she wanted to, she could move nearer to her. Now it made sense to Elektra. But then she wouldn't be allowed to leave, even if she really wanted to, Gina said she wouldn't let her. Because Gina knew there was still some work needed doing with her. She had to lose her spitefulness. And to start the process off, she made her go outside to help the others. Though, she did mention something about saying sorry but that seemed to have slipped Elektra's mind. She walked indifferently over to Tee and Johnny, without making eye contact; she took the bin bag from him and held it open so they could put rubbish in. Technically, she was helping, but she was making them do the donkey work.

They had been sworn to secrecy, had been told not to tell mike about any of the mishaps which had taken place. If Johnnie could be honest, he would say he had had enough with secrets; they'd ruined his life before care, ruined his life in care and would surely ruin his life from now on.  
If only he had the nerve to speak, to say no, I won't lie for all of you but he knew somehow this was connected to their secret. If he had told Mike, then she would class him as untrustworthy, he couldn't take that risk. He had so much riding on that secret. Though she had now made his nights worse. They were filled by more screaming, more crying. He asked himself, Why couldn't she have left me alone, I had promised her I wouldn't say anything, she knew that but she just had to push the nail in. Be spiteful, be poisonous. But he couldn't help but like that, she pushed his boundaries, made him fearful and made him face his demons – even if his demons got worse.

The screaming is unbearable – I must be the only one who can hear it, his room is wedged between mine and the bathroom. Its worse I know that much. Elektra knew she could've possibly made it worse, though she'd never admit it. She covered her ears with her pillows, but still she could hear it. She was surprised that Faith could never hear it, though it probably didn't help that her bed was on his wall. Paranoia, guilt - these swirled around her head but she batted them away and rose from her bed, silently making her away to the door.  
His door creaked open, although not silently, it was squeaky – which was very annoying. With a cup in their hand the person sent it forward. A steady stream of rushing water rose from the cup and glided across an invisible force, landing heavily with a slurp onto the boy's face. He stopped thrashing around and lay still for a second, he brought his hand up to his face and felt the cold substance. Slowly, he opened his eyes and what a shock it was to find, the one, the only …Elektra (Mandy) Perkins. He eyed the cup in her hand and screamed bloody murder at her. People now definitely woke up. Gina entered the room and saw the scene. She gave Elektra a look and she immediately felt a little smaller.  
She may hold the key to Johnnie's downfall, but Gina held the key to hers. She was caught in a trap. Gina wanted her to change but she couldn't, not when she had a little bit of control left. Plus if anyone found out, they'd class her as a cradle snatcher.  
She felt it wasn't fair – she knew Johnny probably felt his life was unfair but she knew hers was more so…  
…Everyone started to leave and as she left she spat at him, vindictively "Maybe next time the screaming wont wake me…" a few people gave her sceptical looks. Johnnie shrunk further down into his covers and didn't fall asleep at all. He knew if he did, he'd scream. He couldn't risk it.  
She had him on a hook and she could sink him any time she wanted…


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Okay so I made a mistake when I uploaded 'chapter 3', as it was the same as chapter 2. But hey, you'll all forgive me for the mess up as I've updated now, wont you? **Oh, please read the end AN.** This chapter is set in 'A day in the country' ep – which is all from memory so it might not all seem right. Anyway, R&R please!

Disclaimer: I don't own Tracy Beaker or any of its spinoffs, I just mess around with the characters minds for fun.

Feel it penetrating the skin,  
We begin to relax.  
When it's just the two of us,  
And a cute little cup of Cyanide. (This song totally inspired the name)  
-Biffy Clyro (Black Chandelier)

I Will Always Need My Cyanide: Chapter 3

There was a few more times when they were at each others throats;

"Uh, this is so boring. I mean it's all old and horrible…" Elektra had started to moan but was interrupted by Johnny. "Just because you won't ever live in a place like this!" "What? And you will?!" she spat back spitefully; no way in hell was she going to let him get one up on her. They were stood in a grand hall, in a richly decorated manor that once belonged to a Lord. Johnnie now really wanted to hit her…or at least step on her feet as he went to lift one of his sneakered ones up, but she had started to walk off with the rest of the group.  
They were directed to the dining room, awfully grand with this weird yellow-mayo colouring on the wall. To some people they would absolutely love this, I mean Tee probably would like this, but the others not so much – Elm Tree House didn't really have a yellow aura about it, it was more a homely earthy style. Don't get me wrong nearly all of them loved the richness to the place, but like Elektra, they knew they would never be able to live in a place like that, but hey, they could dream, right?  
So anyway, they all stood around waiting for their assignments on who they would be in this whole reenactment thing. Carmen was obviously upset over being chosen to be a servant, plus she would be split from her friends. Elektra was also made a servant, she probably wouldn't have minded it that much if Johnny wasn't put on the hierarchy – he was made Lord of the Manor – to much people's chagrin. Not that she wanted him to be a servant so they could be together and have petty arguments, no she just didn't want him to go around acting high and mighty…because that's what he did.

He strapped on a pair and got bossy.

Elektra's POV  
I've heard some stuff he's been doing, annoying Harry to the point of no return and getting on at Carmen about her grades – we all know she's not doing the best , but then again neither is he and I'll be honest, mine aren't up to whack either but so what? There's no need for him to chuck that in her face. Oh, and did I mention he tried to stand up to me again, oh that was fun "Make me a sandwich…you got it wrong go make it again" Oh I'll make it again, I thought and went to hit him before Mike stopped me, too right he did I would of decked him one right there and then.  
He sent me out of the room to "cool off!" Ttt, yeah right, I'll cool Johnny off, I'll just go and fill a bucket up ready to serve it to him, shall I? Well that had been my plan until I heard Mike start to tell Johnny off, so obviously I had to stay and accidentally hear to make sure that he didn't tell…and for future reference – not that I would use anything against him that I would now hear, no, never. I listen and though I don't want to, I do. I understand why he's on a high because people are actually having to listen to him, I know that – he's playing up so they will listen, I guess in a way he's doing what I used to do sometimes. And it's not attention seeking he's doing – he's just trying to make up for lost time and he's trying to make up for the fact that he can't talk at me anymore – well he definitely failed at that, sorry. I almost feel sorry for him, almost – I said almost. Just to make it clear, y'know. I know you would think 'Why don't you just let him have it, just this one time' But you don't get it – I can't. If he thinks I'm loosening my grip on him, then he'll think he has free rein and he'll go around running his mouth. Plus, Gina's not in this room and she could never understand why I can't let him free and she'd just say 'Well it was your fault, E-lek-tra, you deserve It.' and I know I do, deserve it, I do. But it is his fault – if he hadn't made me…- He shouldn't have tried to rile…to test…anger me – but he did, he just couldn't let it go. It's his fault!

Johnny's POV  
I know I shouldn't have done that, rile her up I mean – but hey it was fun…and I'd never normally be allowed to talk at her, at anyone for that matter. I had to take the chance, though I did just kind of grab it by the bull's horns and run with it, rather adventurously, I might add. But she doesn't quite seem to get it. And I know, after this, she could quite easily go and tell everyone – we're all here after all. But then, if she does tell, I can just go and tell them as well. But then if they do ever find out, one of us could be moved to a different care home, and I can't chance that. Not just for my sake, but Elektra's…of course Gina would never let her go, though. And anyway I have Tee to look after. And anyway, why am I thinking that they'd think it would be wrong? Because nothing's going on – so it can't be wrong, obviously!

Mike promptly left the room, Harry trailing behind him. Harry was talking to Jeff, saying how he was going to get a proper sandwich with Mike. Elektra almost laughed at his sing-songy voice as she entered the drawing room. She rolled her eyes when she spotted Johnny sitting on one of those grand chairs that didn't look remotely comfortable at all. 'So that's why all those proper women sat up, so there back's wouldn't kill' She mused as she said "Hard day at the office, eh?" She lent against a table. Johnny looked over to her, his eyes looked really heavy, like he had taken the weight of off the past Lord's shoulders and put it on his. "Some thing like that." Johnny deadpanned, standing up. He looked like he was about to faint, did she really scare and worry him that much, she almost wanted to smile. "What do you want, Leke?" She gritted her teeth as he walked slowly past her, his hand brushing her leg. She took a breath and closed her eyes for a second, when she opened them Johnnie was standing opposite her, looking at her quizzically. "Oh, will you shut up!" She moaned. "What? I didn't do anything." He laughed quietly. She walked over to him quickly and he flinched inwardly, waiting for her to slap him for some unknown reason, though he was sure he had probably done something to annoy her – he usually had. But that slap never came instead her face meet his. A head butt of some kind? No, she had yet again crashed her lips against his, why? Who knows, it was kind of becoming a fashion between them two. She pushed him back against the wall, she was certain that she would be able to tell if anyone was going to enter the room, for she had shut the door behind her, not that she had planned this or anything. But she hadn't counted on there being a secret door. Someone had entered and had now cleared their throat. They froze, one of Johnny's hands in her hair and Elektra's arm around his neck. They snuck a quick look at each other and then broke apart to practically either side of the room. They breathed a short sigh of relief when they realized it wasn't anyone from The DG. No, it was only their tour thingy person for the day, Javier, they thought that was his name, they'd kind of forgotten it. He bit his lip and then went onto to lecture them. "You do know this would be frowned upon…" they mulled this over for a second before Elektra cattily replied "What, so no Lord ever had a little seedy affair? Had no mistress?" it wasn't that she was trying to defend her and Johnny –though there wasn't any her and Johnnie, she was quick to reassure herself – she was just making a point and with that she headed to the door but before she left, she turned back on her heel and motioned to Johnny – using her finger as a knife, she pulled it across her neck – a threat, how very like Elektra. Javier or what ever his name was, whistled lowly and joked "You've got yourself a right one there." and then gave Johnny a disapproving look. He looked down at his feet, how could he be so stupid, he was being a bad kid – he knew he should be punished for this and in a way he was, though he'd admit it, because what was there to admit.  
It could never be.

**AN: Okay, I have the sequel practically all writ out but I just need to find a way to make it there, so there might only be a few more chapters before I change to the sequel. Or should I just include the sequel in with this story so it'll be like a more than 13 chapter story, what do you think?**


	4. We've Been Here Before

AN: Still not sure about the sequel – which is really annoying. Soo Two chapters in two days and for this story is a bloody miracle, like seriously I nearly died of shock when I finished writing it. This chapter is set in the 'Whay would Gus want?' ep and remember this is all from memory so it may not quite follow the plot but, oh well I like how it turned out. Anyway, R&R please!

Disclaimer: I don't own Tracy Beaker or any of its spinoffs.

And if you close your eyes, does it almost feel like you've been here before.  
(How am I going to be an optimist about this?)  
- Bastille (Pompeii)

I Will Always Need My Cyanide: Chapter 4 - We've been here before.

Johnny's POV  
I know I should be happy for Gus, elated even. But I can't, for some reason I have this warped idea that everyone should have and should grow up with a mother and a father. And I know it was wrong to say and I know they all hate me, but I grew up believing that – hoping for that – though I knew it would never actually happen. But hey, a boy could hope. And anyway, Gus was the only one who would really listen to me, though, he only did that so he could write everything down in his notebook – though I didn't really like him documenting every word that I spoke – it was kind of annoying, knowing that anyone could find them (Like Liam and Frank did) and anyone could then read them and I hated that feeling that yet again I was stuck in the middle not being able to move. Yes, so I could rip the pages out, burn them but then Gus would know, because he always knows. And I know in a way that if he leaves to go live with a family then I won't have to live on tenterhooks. (Well okay I still will) But it will be one less tenterhook to fear. I know I've done wrong, yet again, when Tee tells me that she's ashamed that I'm her brother – I deserve it, though I don't want to admit it. I don't want to face it – the truth – so I run from the room, Elektra's probably smiling smugly to herself, yet again she had won, had pushed me to the edge. I hate her for that…no, I riled her again, it was a mistake – I knew that – but I couldn't stop myself, I knew saying all that stuff would make her mad and it did and I controlled her, made her shout at me – for once I had leverage, I was happy! And then it was stolen away from me again, just like all those foster parents who say stuff to you, like they like you…would love for you to come and stay and then they change their mind like they're at some kind of swap meet – horrible, isn't it? Physiologically damaging – some would say. I may class myself as messed up – though I would never tell anyone this – but then again, everyone here is messed up in some way, even Harry and he's the youngest of us. I lay on my bed, switching from smothering my head in my pillow and staring up at the ceiling, like it could suck me away into oblivion, there was a thing that could do that, but I knew I couldn't leave this house – I'd seem like a gutless wimp if I tried to leave right now. And right now I was laying on my side staring out of the window, watching a forever moving world in motion, the world was sucking away at my mentality, my being and yet sometimes I didn't care, sometimes I even welcomed it…like right now I welcomed it as someone had just entered my room. They spoke one word and I knew who it was, and now I really wanted to be sucked away …because it was Elektra…

Elektra's POV  
Okay. So maybe I pushed it a bit too far, I didn't mean for Tee to say such a thing to him - but what did he expect? A round of applause for trying to scupper Gus's chance of escaping this infernal place. He knows, more than anyone, that you don't get many chances to escape – yet he does this – coming up with this whole traditional babble about having to have this stupid proper family – what good did it do any of us having a proper family, even im-proper families messed you up. I think I did look at Tee with a disbelieving look but she didn't notice, she was too busy staring Johnny down, shooting disapproving looks at him – you have no idea how many times someone has looked at him like this, looked at me like this. I know how it feels, I know how he'll be feeling now – though he'd be feeling worse, Melissa never once said she was ashamed to call me her sister – though at times she may have definitely felt it (Especially when I made my parents miss her leaving for prom because I had gotten arrested, I was even the smidgest amount ashamed of myself for this – but if you ever ask me I would just say 'psch, please! Yep, totally not hating myself for that.) I begrudgingly, almost offhandedly, set off up the stairs, if anyone saw they would probably think I was going to my room, well they would have been half right, I was going to a room and I was passing my room to get to said room but it definitely wasn't my room. No, I had non-committedly walked to one Mr Jonathon Taylor's room, why? I'm not entirely sure why, though when I get there I'll probably remember. He was staring out his window, laying down, like he was too tired to even process the choice of getting up – I couldn't blame him, I was tired even thinking about talking to him. He visibly stiffened as I shuffled into the room, I lent against his wall. I took in his room, I'd never really 'looked' at his room, but it was bare and definitely too clean. There was no hint of what he was truly like, no posters, not much colour and most of his personal stuff was packed away (Like he was always waiting to be taken away, to be saved from this place) How could he live like this (unless of course you were Gus, then you'd definitely be able to live like this). It was always immaculately clean. Something makes me think he's a little bit OCD – he's a mystery that boy, not that I'm saying I want to solve him but hey a girl is allowed to talk to the person she has a hold over right – I mean I'm kind of duty bound to now!  
I bit my lip, trying to remember what I was to say. To me, biting my lip was like people tying string around their fingers in a bid to be able to remember something later on, though luckily I was able to remember. I tapped my fingers on the wall, pursing my lips before starting. "Sooo…I know you don't want to hear it, but you were kind of out of order." Silence, I knew I'd probably said the wrong thing – I could have sworn that I'd seen him flinch, and I was taken aback and this time weirdly, it wasn't pleasant. "I know…" he croaked, he hadn't been crying had he… no, he just had a dry throat, yeah, that was it. Nothing more, nothing less. "Why don't you want Gus to go, be with a family?" I asked, though the words didn't seem under my control once they had left my mouth. I saw him bring his hand up to his mouth and I'm pretty sure he started to chew at his nails and for some reason I closed my eyes. "…I…just think he needs a mom and dad…its Gus, he needs normality, conventional stuff or whatever…" Johnny near enough stuttered. To no one else, he would ever admit it, though I had managed to make him say that, to use my control on him, I still had him on a string, although it was slowly fraying, not because I didn't have control, but because he was becoming a dead weight. And I'd done that; you'd think I would be pleased… "Bullshit…you don't believe that…okay, somewhere in your messed up head…you believe that about yourself…Gus…you just have to let him try…like you always try Johnny…I'm sorry Tee said that stuff to you.." I must admit that I kind of added the stuff at the end rather meekly. But Johnny just seemed to shrug it all off as he replied "Doesn't matter…I deserved it." Silence settled over the room, I really didn't know how to reply now…I…I…what do you say to that? I strained my ears to see if I could hear anyone shouting for me or Johnny, part of me wanted there to be, the other part didn't want to leave, though I pushed and punched that side away. And it got its wish, for Mike had shouted that it was time for dinner and I accidentally let out a small whoop and freaked out inside. I plastered a small smile on my face, covering up my weird actions by adding "It's time for dinner, I'ma get me some food!" I said it in this weird voice, maybe hoping that he would totally forgot my little outburst and maybe laugh at my stupidity and then I could hit him and that little bit of reality that had just seeped in could be washed away and normality could be restored…it didn't, so I left, though I'm certain I heard Johnny mutter a word that sounded suspiciously like 'nutter' as I left. I bit back a remark as I smelt margarita pizza waft through the air, I set off at a sprint. A few minutes later Johnny entered and sat next to Gus, and he said offhandedly, while reaching for some pizza "You should go, Gus, take it." And I knew then that he meant it, though he still gritted his teeth a little…the little bugger just couldn't let it go!

AN: And that may seem like a filler (it took me like nearly three hours, it's half two and I have science tomorrow, I'll definitely fall asleep in it…oh well it's worth it) This chapter is kind of important – though I won't tell you why, its not a massive plot thing but it definitely helps the story. Remember to Review! And you'll get virtual pizza with any toppings – place your orders here, people!


	5. Right Behind Your Eyes

AN: okay for some reason I wrote this chapter completely different, let me know if you like it! it's not staying this way forever. It's not the longest but I know you'll be thinking 'what the fuck is she doing with this story' it'll all make sense soon…probably. I borrowed the whole 'Rick and Elektra writing a song' idea and played around with it a bit to mould it for this fic. Anyway, R&R please!

Disclaimer: I don't own Tracy beaker or any of its spinoffs.

The sun will one day leave us all behind,  
well i hate to be the one to ruin the night,  
right before your, right before your eyes.  
-Awolnation (Kill your heroes Edited)

I Will Always Need My Cyanide - Chapter 5

Luckily they had escaped that certain situation - he didn't have a chance to even speak a syllable before the DGers were swept out of the place – why? I have no idea – though I suspect it had something to do with Tyler.

Anyhow, they returned back to civilization, Carmen gushing about her latest beau, Lilly and Tee rolling their eyes at their friend's latest exploits – though they still had a joke at her expense about her little crush on Rick – you're wondering why I hath told you about this, well because it leads us unto the start of the next chapter.

This chapter starts with Elektra and Rick sitting in the back garden by the big wall, which seemed like a barrier between the two worlds, the two people, Like the Berlin wall or the peace walls in Ireland – it was more peaceful on this side of the wall on the other side, noises and sounds were magnified to a million, hoping to give some person a migraine- they sat on some chairs, one with a guitar in hand, the other with a book in hand. "No no, Elektra, that doesn't make sense!" Ricks voice echoed through the trees, the exasperation evident in his voice. "What because it's deep and you have the emotional range of a teaspoon!..." Elektra's voice protruded after, whirling around the golden brown looms like an ox lost in its race. Silence converged, like it would do at a gathering – spiritual or poetical – Rick had looked at her, his mouth hung agape, his eyes glazed in muted shock. He shook his head, waking from his reverie and demanded "What!" A silvery laugh then glided through the leaves like purple mists would do on a moor. A little chipper laugh was the next thing heard, it was then followed by a tender "What are you doing?!" the little voice sounded magnified in its surroundings. "Harry, Harry, go on get her!" Ricks voice, tinged in laughter, reached out to the four corners of the garden, like a festival would to four the corners of the world. The platinum blonde haired boy ran towards them, his fiery orange vest a blur in the bushes, like sand would be in a wind storm. You could quite easily tell Elektra was getting annoyed; her face was contorted to that right state which could then be used to depict such an emotion. Harry had half tackled her from the chair, they were sure the chair had probably broke – the sound was that of a trunk being broken off – Harry had totally forget everything about what Elektra could quite easily do to him, he was having fun for once, pure adrenaline drove him, like it would do when you were about to bungee-jump from the Eiffel tower! Now normally Elektra would be kicking of by now but the children had been told to treat Harry with kiddie gloves for a little while, they hadn't been told why but they did it – obviously it was something important, but Elektra wasn't one for following the status quo, no, she decided that Harry would prefer to be treated normally, would do better to be treated normally, so she grabbed Jeff and started to hit the boy with the giraffe, Harry faked a little stroppy face, like a dog who had been kicked would, and crossed his arms. Elektra grinned, though it did seem tinged with a little bit of evil "Rick, you do realise this is your fault?" Elektra then asked the brown haired boy, her voice held a deadly serious tone, which tingled in the air like magic would. The boy's happily-nervous laugh dug deep in the heart of any who were nearby.  
The sun had been sitting behind the wall but it had now jumped across to the other side, plunging the figure into darkness…

But who was that lone figure sitting behind the wall, all shrouded in leaves and branches like a death would be in mystery?...

I can't find the way out of my mind, the devil has ears, claws too deep inside  
-Mallory Knox (Beggars)

AN: Who could spot the Harry Potter reference I used! It totally made me laugh. First one who can, can have Rick for one day, to do with whatever they please. Oh, and I don't condone the kicking off dogs, when they bite you – it hurts, trust me. And I know this was really short – but it felt right to cut it off where I did…ooooh spooky, who's the freaky spying person?!  
oh and i also included a small reference to my other Tracy Beaker fic, Jeff Knows.


	6. Driven

AN: okay after this there'll be one final chapter…and then the sequel shall come! This one may seem like a filler to, but chapters 5 and 6 help the story along to its thrilling climax! This is set in the Scary Beasts ep but it's pretty obvious I didn't follow the plot line for the ep, but I weirdly love this chapter, though I don't normally completely love any of my stuff. And OH my god, Mike's not returning for the second series, now I'm sad! Anyway R&R please!

Disclaimer: I don't own Tracy Beaker or any of its spinoffs.

Don't look back into the sun,  
Now you know that time will come,  
Even though they said it wouldn't.  
-The libertines (Don't look back into the sun)

I Will Always Need My Cyanide – Chapter 6

I was just minding my own business, reading a comic, and relaxing on my bed. I was boiling, it was a sunny day, but I'd closed my windows – all you could hear was everyone else shouting, screaming…having fun! This is my fun, no really, it is – I like being by myself. I'd just gotten to the part where Goro, this cool boy hero in blue, is chased by this Nurye monster, all green and spiky – creepy as hell. And then I spotted it, it just couldn't leave me alone today – I wanted everyone to leave me alone, I don't want to have to deal with them being annoyed with me. I mean, not that they aren't already, Mike's been up trying to talk me into coming out into the garden– I still don't like him at the moment for that stuff at the mansion, I suspect he was the one who sent Tee up here too – though she spent half the time sneaking looks towards the window. She longed to be outside, away from me so I told her to go away, that I didn't want to go outside and that they shouldn't try and make me do something that I didn't want to do. Geez, every part of life is slowly starting to seem like school!  
So as I was saying, it had chosen this minute, right now to appear, that little slimy thing, red and yellow and black in all its glory. A frigging snake! In Elm Tree House, in my room – what was the betting that Someone had put it in here deliberately – 3/1 I reckon. I wasn't really scared, I was just being safe – I jumped up and stood on my bed, following it with my eyes, it seemed to be staring at me as it went, like it was saying 'Yeah!, and who are you?' its right though, who am I – I'm a punch bag, I'm not a person. I'm nobody, always have been, always will be. And you'd think it's sad, I don't – it's better to be nobody, in a way, people don't notice you, they leave you alone. I used to think that being somebody, somebody who was known and not forgotten, not ever, was the most important thing in the world – that's why I always tried so hard to get me and Tee fostered, we'd be remembered in a family. Whereas in the Dumping Ground, people come and go like rubbish does, you arrive unused and leave tired and haggard in a bin bag. Now, I think being remembered is important, but right now, at this time in hand, I don't want to be noticed. I just want to be able to just exist, but nothing on this earth can just exist, can't just be untouched – every inch of the world has probably been trodden on, every substance, moulded into some kind of clock or food – it can't do anything about it. I can – for myself – right now I know I have to tell someone, but that means being noticed – being called a wimp and a baby – being noticed. Everything I'd vied for and everything I hated.

No, I can get rid of it…totally, I can. So I reach down and look under my bed, I swear it snarls at me and I'm back to standing above it. Three minutes…six minutes …err … I… "What are you doing?!" I hear that voice and I don't want to turn around but on reflex I do spin around and there she is in all her glory…Cobra…I may have found a plan…though I do want her to go away.

.

.

No, bugger it, I'm going to tell, I can't stand up here for god knows how long…"There's a snake under my bed!" I stated, though it's void of emotion, I know that. "…A snake!, are you trying to kill me!...oh this is another ploy to escape, eh Johnbo!" she smiles at the use of a stupid pet name, I cringe and really want to call her something really horrible back, but I don't want to, I can't be bothered, so I do nothing. "Aww, is likkle Johnnie scared…aww was he crying his little beady eyes out….Oh grow up Jonathon!" it knocks me a little, but I know she's trying to goad me into retaliating, she wants it, she needs it, but I don't feed her…and there's a snake! "So," I say, whilst sitting down, "The snake?" I motion to under the bed. She smiles, approaching and bends down, resting her weight on the balls of her feet. "Well, have a look, then baby!" Elektra exclaims in exasperation we both lower our heads, my head feels a bit dizzy, it is half way upside down after all. "Well, there's your baby, pumpkin!" She tried to joke, I didn't laugh, didn't say anything. Silence fell, yet we kept where we were, though I did keep a close eye on that snake, my eyes hurt because of it, they even felt like tears where brimming around them. I felt her hair skim my cheek, but I weren't moving first, I wasn't going to give her more ammunition to get me with. She kept skimming my face, it was annoying, I knew what she was trying to do, even though she'd try to claim it was offhandedly done. I closed my eyes, please, no don't do this – why can't you leave it, leave me alone, please – I silently beg. I feel the wetness of her lips grind softly down on the corner of my mouth, please, I want to cry – I don't want to do this anymore. Even closer, I pull my head away a little bit…. Weird…..I feel a hand on my neck, the arm encloses around the back of it – no, no, doesn't she get it, she's fucking with my mind. It's not fair. I feel her put her head against mine and I inwardly flinch, I strain my ears for a sound, any sound but all I can hear is her breathing, I must be holding my breath – I don't want to anymore.

I pull my head away, climb off my perch and head to the door, I don't look back until I hear a noise, it wasn't her, she's surveying the floor for the snake again. Bitch, nothing affects her does it. I turn on my heel and walk around the corner, I don't make it that far…I collapse onto the floor. Head resting against the wall and my knees pulled up to my chest – why does everything have to be like this, she has Rick, why does she have to have two. But, she doesn't really have me though, I'm just her toy, there to be played with when ever she gets bored. And I don't want to cry, I really don't but I do, not loud racking sobs, just silent tears, they make trails down my face and no sound escapes from my lips, I won't cause anyone any bother – no one will hear.

…Matching tracks trail down their face, a blue cover underneath is the tell-tale sign of this person's identity. The slither of a snake curls around the bed posts, not climbing just twisting its despair deeper into the fore of this room's occupant.

They didn't talk anymore, a truce maybe? No just, the mind fucking had dematerialized plans, well they thought it had, that snake was still twisting it's magic and one of them had truly had enough…to get them, they set out to get them.

AN: The whole mind-fucking thing came from the TV show Skins – not one for any of you littlens though. Oh, who's crying?


	7. Finale

AN: This is totally inspired by a dream I had, so it probably doesn't sound realistic nut I love it though obviously in the dream it seemed a lot better. The lyrics between the line breaks are from Hoobastank – The Reason. Anyway, R&R please!

I'd just like to thank everyone who has reviewed, favourited or followed this story, free virtual garlic juice to everyone (you'll get why soon). Oh, and watch out for the sequel!

Disclaimer: I don't own Tracy Beaker or any of its spinoffs

I went into the woods because I wanted to live deliberately.  
To live deep and suck out all the marrow of life.  
To put to rout all that was not life;  
and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.  
- Henry David Thoreau

I Will Always Need My Cyanide: Last Chapter

Rated T - To be safe

Johnny didn't really know why he was doing this, though actually, that was a total lie as he knew exactly what he was going to do. It was a dare, and a weird one at that, but he knew that this person would surely kill him (Well, if the past few weeks were anything to go by, then absolutely anything could happen.) But in a way, he still didn't really care what happened to him.  
So here he was, scaling a black, rocky embankment, a bottle in hand. He followed two voices, one strong, one weak. He positioned himself above them, between two precipes, he was literally going out on a ledge for this. He could quite easily fall to his death up here and yet he didn't care anymore, he wanted, nay, he needed this reaction. To live. To cope.  
He moved the bottle out over the edge and squeezed it, letting the silly white substance push its self out and start its descent. It tumbled down onto the persons head, dripping down onto their neck, there was no going back now.  
And then She knew what he had done, she felt a cold sliver cascade down onto her neck, she swiped her hand across her neck, her fingers revealing the truth; they were covered in some kind of paste. She sniffed at it…blueberries…and garlic! She chucked down the sticks she was holding and looked up. "Jonathon Taylor!" She screamed, her voice caught a little in her throat and you know what, he just sat there smiling! So she started the incline…

* * *

_I just want you to know…_

* * *

…I was smiling I'd gotten what I wanted and I could quite easily run away, but I'm not, not this time. Y'know, she's the only one I'd let call me by my full name – it brings back some horrible memories, but I still let her and I don't even let Tee call me that! But then it also brings back some…good memories. She'd started to climb up, even faster now, the cliff face was a bit steeper that what I had just climbed but yet she still climbed. And I still didn't move, people would normally run for their lives if they knew her, but they don't, do they?

Our secret…Mine and Elektra's.  
She heaved herself up over the top and inched herself across the little surface which made up the stick out part of the cliff. "Why do you have to be so stupid?" She inquired as she brought her hand up to slap Johnny, but today, he grabbed her hand, today, he wanted the bigger, better reaction. "Johnny! Let go, let go now!" Elektra's voice faltered near the end, it sounded very childlike and he wondered for a moment before letting go. "You're an idiot, you know." She inched forward even more. "I know you are too." he nodded his head, smiling. "No…what?" She fumbled around for words, getting confused. They're eyes were now locked; they were so close that their foreheads were practically touching, He knew they could fall from here, fall and die. He cared that Elektra would die; Carmen would surely miss her and Elm Tree House would never be the same without her, It would be boring. He didn't care if he died, Tee had friends who would look after her, the others always fell out with him and she'd have to choose sides – life would be easier for her without him there.  
he looked down for a second before returning to Elektra's eyes. "Aw, are you scared, Johnny?" Elektra asked, laughing her wondrously evil laugh. "No…what about you, Elektra…we could fall, your pretty face ruined, dead." He spat somewhat spitefully. She would be missed, he wouldn't.  
She was taken aback by this outburst, Yes he could be morbid, but this was just… she didn't but she knew that he never once dared to talk to her like that after their little 'agreement', but she found she quite like

* * *

_I've found a reason for me…_

* * *

The other kid, Moe, had been standing at the bottom of the cliff, too scared to climb up, to scared to see how she would react. He'd deliberately got Mike to pay Elektra to take him to the beach, to take him crabbing – and it was all set for Johnny's dare. Now, all he could see was Elektra's back. He wanted to stay to make sure Elektra didn't kill Johnny but to be honest with you, he was scared shitless, so he promptly ran of back to The DG.

* * *

Why was he being this way, it doesn't matter, it does, it doesn't it's Johnny! Exactly…Johnny' She thought and for a second she started to say "I…I…" before faltering, which Johnny though was weird, she was always so sure of herself, but now he could have leverage again. "I…I…I" Johnny started to mock her and he could tell she was getting angry, mad, upset even? "Oh, you are so infuriating Johnny Taylor!" She shrieked at him, she was slowly losing herself. "Yeah, but you love it." He sparked back.  
Silence

* * *

_To change who I used to be…_

* * *

One head releases its touch from the others forehead, tilting their head back, their chin forwards.  
Lips meet,  
In a shocking embrace.  
No talking, No admits, No defeats.  
The boy, he has the nerve to put his arm around her, his hand passing by that white stuff that started it all. He started to laugh, nearly choking the girl in the process, she locked up to his eyes.  
They started laughing.  
Silence

* * *

_.A reason to start over new_

* * *

"No more threats, please. Don't make life harder…I wont tell, I promise…" Johnnie asked sincerely, bowing his head, a lifetime of emotions and feelings put into it. And for some reason the girl felt the need to hug him. "Ok, no more threats Jonathon Taylor."

Someone would miss him, maybe.

* * *

_And the reason is you…_

* * *

They sat for a while, in silence, Mo had long since disappeared, home probably. Elektra ran her hands in the sand; she moved them away as Johnny looked down at what she had drawn.

831

That's what it read,  
He was puzzled,  
She laughed.

Just what did 831 mean…?

This time,  
Don't need another perfect line,  
Don't care if critics ever jump in line,  
I'm gonna give all my secrets away  
- OneRepublic (Secrets)

AN: the end, not very original but oh well, pineapples – thanks for reading and the sequel shall be called Cyanide Is A Strong Word, I shall PM anyone who wants to know when it's been uploaded. The line breaks might be wierd- they were messing up! Happy fanficing people!


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